HELLO DECEMBER GOODBYE

Updates?

I've been really busy lately. Why?

I applied to school.
Got into school - January 5, 2010!
Applied for a loan.
Quit my job - Last day, December 31!

Christmas shopping - oh & 20 people at dinner this year?!
I am so so excited to cook for everyone with Zoe. This is going to be the best year so far.

Bringing my lovely lady over. I'm so proud to finally be open and proud
EVEN MY GRANDPARENTS KNOW I AM GAY. Wasn't that day just lovely? Be proud, still.

This is the first time I ever anyone could ask me how my GIRLFRIEND IS.

I am so happy I waited for the right girl to bring home & share.
I love you so much.

Watching you skate? MMMMMMMMHMMMMM

I miss you, a lot.

Let's make a Quatchy. (?)

I need to finish shopping.

I'm getting drunk tonight, and having the best time in the world!

I find that occasional drinking makes it that much more fun; and less OH HEY I'M 14!

Really into that idea.

Really into it for sure.

Reflejo

One & the same...
By accident.

Dear Fernando,

You are my feminine side, my other half, my favorite person at work! Can we accidentally match every day? And be the same person always?

I think so... oh yes I think so!

Guilty - for being gay.

Does anyone read the Globe and Mail? If you don’t normally, you should take some time and pick it up today. I will now explain why.

On the front cover I usually find articles about politics that revolve around tax, debt, budget… money.

People who have done remarkable things; cops, volunteers…

Today, however, I pick up the paper to read that in Uganda it is ACTUALLY being considered that you could be sentenced to life imprisonment for being gay. In 2009? Basically 2010.

Is this a joke?

Furthermore, you would be sentenced to 3 years in jail if you don’t report someone you “know to be homosexual” within 24 hours.

Oh, and it gets better. Say if you DON’T know anyone Gay, but you like to have faith in FREEDOM OF CHOICE – you could find yourself in lock down for SEVEN YEARS, just for defending someone you don’t even know!

Their President hasn’t even shrugged! Not a peep. This has free reign to wander its way through parliament while these fascist assholes gladly welcome it – and the LEADER of the COUNTRY doesn’t even put out a statement.

“The sentence of life imprisonment will be issued upon anyone who penetrates the anus or mouth of another person of the same sex with his penis or any other sexual contraption

“He or she will also be sentenced for touching any other person wit the intention of committing the act of homosexuality.”

These poor people - It’s awful. It hurts my heart.

Want to know what’s most wonderful of all? They can’t even leave and do it somewhere else! This crime follows the gays of Uganda wherever they go, and forces them to continue to “abide” by this law.

Go read this article.
And then hope someone spontaneously combusted as a result of inner rage.

Straight on 'Til Morning

Every Monday I talk to a lady who leads Yoga at BP during the lunch hour. She informed me today that she used to work in Corporate Finance when she lived in Toronto; but picked up and left suddenly and found herself starting her own business shortly after, in Calgary.

She looks really relaxed.

She's probably about... 40? Maybe older. But she has that glow about her, that you can just tell her life is peaceful yet full of drive.

I think I admire her. I also think that I still hate Yoga.

I'd really love to run my own life that way, and not after years of tiresome office bullshit. Perhaps Step. 1 should be to say I WILL run my own life that way. Not I'd love to.

I will. NBD.

Moving on:

For the MW, KH & AL gathering I feel like I should write a list of rules on my door. It'll probably look something like this:

- No drama (this includes, but is not limited to: passive aggressive
behaviour, arguing, yelling, anything that causes a scene of any size,
etc)
- No alcohol comas
- No cat stealing
- No more than 10 people can cry at one time.

Good luck with that, Rachel.

-------------------

Wendy: Peter. You won't forget me, will you?

Peter: Me? Forget? Never.

Wendy: Will you ever come back?

Peter: To hear stories... About me.

How true is that?

Interesting fact -

Wendy Darling was played by an actress named Rachel in the 2003 version of Peter Pan

Tonight, I'm going to watch Terminator 1...2...& possibly 3 if I can stay awake. Unlikely. Beth has never seen the majestic brilliance that is Terminator. Or, better yet, Terminator 2. AKA my favorite movie all time (this I have mentioned before).. My fascination for it began when I was far too young; my Dad was bad ass for exposing me.

That's all I can muster up for the moment.

(oh, hello Hux and Flo)

With Love From You to Me...

I love you so dearly it's ridiculous...

2004-05-02 - 6:18 p.m.

rachel
by carly welsh

She stole my sunglasses.
And lost them.
I want her to buy me some new ones.
But she says,
They were broken anyways.
She took my favorite red shirt.
And gave it to her friend.
But only to borrow.
Her friend lost it.
I want it back.
But she tells me,
It had a hole in it,
I don’t need it.
She wants to borrow my skirt.
But says it doesn’t fit,
Because I’m too fat.
I laugh.
She laughs with me.
I am shorter than her.
A lot shorter.
She pats my head.
And says,
Aww you’re sooo little.
I bite her.
Every morning she wakes me up.
Looking for the hairdryer.
Asking for my eyeliner.
Or just being a dork.
She is really lame.
I get yelled at.
For taking the hair straighter.
And leaving it in my room.
I do it on purpose sometimes.
To try and make her mad.
She is funny when she’s angry.
We go to the mall.
And on the bus,
She makes fun of people.
She is hilarious.
I like to fight her.
Because she will hit me back.
She is fun to fight with.
For my birthday she got me,
Nothing.
But I still love her.
I am buying her sunglasses for hers.
And keeping them.
She laughed when I said that.
I’m serious.
And she knows it.
My sister is good people.

I wish Google was always this fun.

Sunny Days... Chasing the Clouds Away....

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

5 for Fighting

1. You are wonderful. Those are the first, and only, words that come to mind.
2. Stop complaining. Seriously. It's the only thing you've ever been consistent with.
3. Holy shit. Yup.
4. I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. I miss you. I miss you. I don't miss you. I want to invite you over; but I won't. AND YOU - Can suck the tip.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

/

And thank you,

Because now that I said it outloud - I turned it around.

See you in a month.

This One Is For You, CJ

My thoughts as this happened:


1. Holy fuck I have to pee so bad.

HAH! Me too!

2. What the fuck is stuck in my retainer?

My retainer, you mean? :)

3. Alex Crossman is a dirty whore.

*bursts out laughing*

4. I love Alex Leigh, what a nice little fucker.

Meow

5. Sometimes I feel like beating my girlfriend, and I dont QUITE understand why.

It's overwhelming, isn't it? Show her who's boss.

6. Since you are reading this Kate, it doesn't mean I dont love you anymore, I just want to show you my affection in another way sometimes.

7. I wish nexopia was more exciting so I could rule at it.
Ohhhh Nexopia. I just went back and read my blog... WOO! That shit is intense! Remember the post secret I put up for you about smoking pot?...

8. I should probably go smoke weed, I am getting QUITE ANGRY.

...Yup, definitely smoked pot last night.

9. I wonder if there is any milk so I can have frootloops thats not how you spell it. fruitloops? that doesnt look right.

Corn Pops FTW

10. AWW KITTENS!
BYOC BYOC!!

Big, Satisfying Sigh

I feel so good right now.

I feel so FUCKING good right now.

I've heard it said so many times that in adolescence one feels invincible; & I really do. But not in vain.
I feel like nothing in the world could possibly rain on my parade in a way that my umbrella won't do.

Life is wonderful. And it has been for a long time. And it will be, for longer. Much, much longer.

Separately -

Jodie is coming over tonight. The REAL Jodie. I've missed her.
I'm excited to host for you Mac. It'd be super sweet if you ever mend lose ties, however.
Jus' sayin'.

I love you, Peter.

Past Tense - Messy

It's fricken cold in Banff. And everyone there is foreign.
The one local we managed to talk to, ('local' to Canada) explained how the Australians just won't stop coming. Why is that?

Luckily; did manage to find a New Zealander along the way. I swear to God she made my ears perk up the second I heard her accent... There I am, digging through my wallet, ZING - !

Saturday, we had a bunch of friends over; about 15 dykes/floaters - WHAT A NIGHT THAT MAKES FOR. I cannot get over that out of that many people, who are friends &/or acquaintances; 10 people ended up crying at some point. TEN. 1-0. I think we probably all would have sat around in a pity circle rubbing each others backs if anyone had been an ENEMY. Good Lord.

The most epic part of the night was probably cramming 7 people in the Grandma Yacht and having intense duets with Megan Hill to the Highschool Musical 3 soundtrack. Jodie filmed some of it: In case you want to find me unattractive. And everyone else ignored us.

I made a new friend on the 4th floor. Melina and I heard music playing and casually invited ourselves into a dinner party. I was wearing Zebra PJ's. It was probably the most inappropriate thing I have done for sometime; while intoxicated. Whatever - we were a hit. Barb, MFH & Melina were waiting on a cab so we had to leave shortly after introducing ourselves. I still can't believe we went up there. I wish someone would have come to my gathering on the 1st floor and been sane, just to mix shit up.

Barb cried on my shoulder. Something I never really anticipated to happen. If I'm being honest, I would expect her to tell me I ruined a small portion of her life (to my face, as apposed to everyone else’s) than be weak. But, I guess that just goes to show I really don't know her... On the flip side, passive aggressive behaviour is aggressively annoying.

All of this X related mumbo is becoming an issue. Not for me. I don't think there is much that an X hasn't said or done in a wilful attempt to love or unlove me. It's like I don't even feel anything. In my opinion, right now, there is nothing to be felt.

I realize I am a rare case of robot. And I probably won't "get it" until something drastic happens. Acknowledging the situation is where I top out - I'm sorry.

I want to work at Roots. Can't you see that as totally being my calling? Waking up, probably NOT showering, wearing the sweat pants I potentially SLEPT IN, and going to work to casually discuss lounge wear? I'm the biggest advocate. AKA probably the best person to sell that shit. Mm. And yes, I do look good naked; you creep.

The Word Blog & Work Place Conversation

Why is it so ridiculous?

I've heard many opinions on such topic, especially recently with embarking upon my own blog endeavors - but overall, my final thought is :

I DON'T REALLY MIND IT!

Why?

So quickly I feel accountable to myself, and as my life is passing the days by, I now have documentation. Even with a ridiculous title.

Did you know Oprah writes in her journal every day? EVERY god damn day for however many years? Someone could ask her about any given day... and she could bust open pages of her past like no time was lapsed.

I think that's incredible. Just that thought alone.

Also, this blog has credit for refilling the empty space where "I just need to tell you this one thing..." turns into over an hour of pure bliss.

I missed you.

- - - - - - - - - -

I was reading through The Globe & Mail today, and noticed some of the movies coming out this weekend. One in particular; The Box.

In a nutshell, it's the decision:

If you were given the option of receiving 1 Million Dollars, simply by pressing a button that would credit you the money but simultaneously kill a stranger - would you do it?

Now, my first instinct was to dig for individual feedback from several colleagues who sit in my desk area. But, then the thought came to mind; What if someone said they would do it? Does that not seem totally inappropriate to admit to people who don't really know you on a level separate from where you are forced to be on a daily basis to pay your bills?

Personally, I don't think I could look at someone the same knowing they have that little piece of pure greed and heartlessness inside.

(I'd probably press the button? ... But that's not the point)

Further more, once I put myself on that particular string of thought, it occurred to me that just yesterday a lady I work with brought to my attention the company name of a vendor that is employed by the building we work in:

'MUFF 'N' BUFF'

We all roared with laughter...

The jokes were completely obscene...

And then we went back to dealing with files.

Conclusion?

I have no fucking clue what appropriate means at work.

Negative

I feel like I have far too many plans lately. Far too many, meaning...

About 4 days worth out of the next 5 or 6. Homebody raises hell inside.

In all seriousness, the plans I wish I was currently marking down on my internal calendar? Pole dancing classes. There's a place called PoleJunkies on 17th Ave. that I'm beyond interested in taking a class at. It's the weirdest hidden persona that I have - this undying desire to be involved in anything stripper like. Even just for fun.

Mark my words as soon as I can I'm buying a pole, and I'll be jacked in no time.

Is that weird? I can never stop wondering...

I hope you read this:

I feel beyond distant from you lately. I feel like when you talk to me, it's point form thoughts and events that you cram in as fast as you can, then disappear.

Some of your relationships make me not even want to bother anymore, because I feel slightly replaced. You'll deny this. But. Here you go. You always like to know what I'm actually thinking.

Money Pennies this weekend will be a highlight for me, I hope. Good, quality time - with some high quality lesbians.

- - - - - - - - - -

I'm really happy you met those two important people today. I think that might have explained the sudden onset of my grumpy mood. Subconsciously. Thank you for staying.

Note to self: You never should have taken even a drag of a smoke.
Now you're like a half social smoker who has to be grumpy again for 3 days to be completely pure.

Goodbye, October.

This weekend was all over the place.Friday night I picked up Stv, Melina, MFH and headed off to The Garage. By putting capitals at the beginning of The & Garage it kind of makes it sound more formal than it really is; it's a garage - where cars are parked, and things are stored.

It's also heated. And it's wonderful. It holds too many memories to count.

On this particular Friday, with said guests, and further in addition Paula and Chad (owners of garage) we decide to play beer pong. Woo. Always seems like a good idea to begin with. Until you wake up the next day and don't even remember what happened (or didn't happen) before you went to sleep. (Thanks girlfriend of mine, for convincing me we had sex when clearly I shunned you :))

I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Abbey & the puppy watched. Megan Hill has the Swine and was taken home. Beth was forced into the mix momentarily - until of course we all decided to head out and somewhere in the mix Hank Hill's ass showed up. Oh wait - that was just Stv. All other memory had to be reiterated to me the following morning. Wonderful.

Saturday was an indoor day. With indoor cats. Lovely.

MY SISTER GRADUATED SUNDAY! She's now a certified dental assistant. Her graduation was interesting; showing up late pissed her off and she told me my Mom to "Suck it". Classic Carly. Mike (the boyfriend) was late - classic as well. He also looked homeless. And in need of a good teeth kicking. (whoops). The day Carly breaks up with him will be such a glorious day. I guarantee.

The final hours of Sunday were - in a nut shell - some of the greatest I've experienced in my life. I don't even think I can write something about it because words don't seem sufficient. It's beyond incredible to know I will have the memory of it forever. Regardless of all circumstance, it will be with me for eternity. And beautifully.

I'm so inlove with you - just incase you were wondering.

Terminator 2

Short term or long term - whatever it may be. Robot inspired wall paper shall dominate my layout. Purely sparked from a computer tech guy and a conversation we had together this morning;

"When you're setting yourself up with a personal password help question, just make every answer the same:

What's my dog's name?
Terminator 2.

Where was I born?
Terminator 2

It works!"

I happened to over hear this and retort...

"Terminator 2 is the greatest movie of all time!"

By the shock I witnessed in his face, I think he just found his soulmate.